What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
