# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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