We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
