My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
