jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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