okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
