i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
