Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
