2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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