Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
