I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
