I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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