That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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