My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
