I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
