just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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