Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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