the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
40s are totally the cure
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
