Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
