just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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