im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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