I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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