Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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