So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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