Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My cat gives me a boner
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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