That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
