Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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