she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
