I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
