i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize