you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
