i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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