I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
