I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
