The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
