i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
