She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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