We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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