I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
