I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
