So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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