I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
