Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
