Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
