Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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