k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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