You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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