whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
