I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
