I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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