Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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