Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
