your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
