Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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