I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
