Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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