Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
