I am full of burrito and curiosity
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
