i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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