I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
