hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
