Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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