Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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