Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
