I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
