Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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