so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
