Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
