I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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