That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
