I looked at my own cervix.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
