From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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