Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
