i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
