Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
