I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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