you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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