...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
