I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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