oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
