I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
